Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
