You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
