Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
