Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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