I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i came on her dog
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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