I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize