: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He did a backflip because drugs
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