He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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