put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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