Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
