quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
