dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize