i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
