Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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