Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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