I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
God, you're like boner-b-gone
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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