I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
