I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I want a musical about memes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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