I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
birth control should be required to get into college
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
