ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
