Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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