just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
