erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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