His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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