I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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