just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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