My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
