I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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