um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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