Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
