i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
