note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
