"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
