He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
