There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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