I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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