Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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