I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
