I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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