Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
