i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
