I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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