You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
