So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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