when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
