you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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