eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
