I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
