First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
