the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
