If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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