he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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