I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
