Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
