The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize