The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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