Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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