The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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