that's an acceptable place to lick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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