yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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