Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
