I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
