I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
