2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
