fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
