so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
