So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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