I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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