sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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