I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
