I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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