Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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