I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
