ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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