My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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