How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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